Dear Abby: Does my friend need to return a favor in my time of need?

Dear ABBY: I helped a friend by giving her rides to and from work for two weeks while her car was being repaired. When she got her car, she told me to let her know if she could ever return the favor by helping me out.

Recently, my car needed repairs so I asked if I could earn money for a ride to and from work for a few days. She replied that she could do that for me, but I should know that she had “paid the favor (owed) me up front” by helping one of her other friends, so she felt she no longer owed me a favor. .

I was also under the impression that if he gave me a ride to work, I would owe him a new favor. I told him to forget I asked and I would find another way to get to work.

Is there a rule of etiquette that says you have to tell someone you’re “paying them a favor” and no longer owe them a favor? – ENJOYED IN THE SOUTH

Dear Annoyed: If there is, this is the first I’ve heard of it. The “buddy” you describe is what they call a “bean counter” or “marker”. This is someone who puts too much emphasis on controlling things, like spending, budgets and, in her case, relationships. Such people are best avoided.

Dear ABBY: I often wonder why men don’t take care of their children like women do. In my lifetime, I have only known one man who changed diapers, took naps and baths, took the children to daycare or school, followed most of the events in the child’s life, and was there for the child 24 hours a day. (He is the man I married.)

Most men I know think that all of the above are the sole responsibility of the woman, even if she works full time. I can only assume it dates back to cave days or prairie life. –– ASSESSED IN INDIANA

DEAR ESTEEM: Ideally, childcare responsibilities should be shared. You didn’t mention your age, but over the past two decades I have been impressed to see fathers proudly carrying their babies in slings or pushing them in strollers. They also take the older kids for a Sunday morning, to their sporting events, as well as professional sporting events.

I don’t know what their home life is like, and neither do you, but they seem to be very involved in their children’s lives. In decades past, men thought that working long hours to provide for their families was what they should do, and therefore were less practical than your husband.

Dear ABBY: A dear friend and family member has a habit of changing the temperatures of food that is already being cooked by other people. Is this considered rude? Is there a polite way to remedy the situation? – BOUGHT AND ENTERED IN BOSTON

DEAR B&B: It may be time to put a sign on your oven or stove that advises visitors (lovely or not) that you don’t want your appliances messed with when you’re preparing to entertain. Whoever did this is extremely arrogant because it could ruin the whole meal.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.