Exclusive | I met with Mr. Big in NYC – if you want one, be prepared for 4am outings and vasectomy bragging

It’s 4am and I’m being gently woken up by a very sexy man. No, not because he is excited – although, believe me, we managed to squeeze in a little action – but because my dear love’s alarm just went off, and I am politely, but firmly, booted out .

That was my first real sign of what I was dealing with here in New York City—Mr. Big.

Like the Sex and the City character, he’s the perfect mix of power, mystery and a bit of emotional chaos. He is the older, successful and incredibly attractive businessman who can’t decide on commitment. But one thing is for sure: he knows how to keep you hooked.

And that, my dear readers, is exactly who I found myself waking up to after what was, if I do say so myself, a very successful date.

Now, I’m not saying I’ve displayed it – in fact, yes, I definitely have. When I stumbled across a viral clip of him recently “giving a passionate and impassioned rant about a subject that happens to be something I’m deeply interested in” I knew right then and there I had to meet this man.

In the clip, he was so commanding, so undeniably sexy, I swear I could practically feel the heat through the screen. His words were sharp, persuasive – he was on fire, and so was I.

So naturally, I slid into his DMs. A few flirty messages later, and within a week, I found myself across from him at a fancy bar in Chelsea. Three piece suit. Perfectly dressed. The man was on another level.

He chose the bar, took charge from the start—and that, my friends, was my first clue that I was in the presence of a Mr. Big. Here’s what I learned about meeting this type of man in NYC:

• They sell themselves as a business deal. Forget dinner talk about the weather—within an hour, I knew all about his vasectomy, how much money he made, his weekend home downstate, and yes, even his … ahem … schlong big. No joke. He slipped that last bit in there casually until I choked on my martini. As I excused myself to go to the bathroom, I had to process the smoothest sales pitch I had ever heard. These men don’t just seduce you; they negotiate in bed – and they are very good at it.
• It will leave you “read” for hours. Like the billionaires he works with, his personal life is strictly outside of work hours. And don’t take his calendar as flexible. If you’re dating a Mr Big, you’re dating the busiest man in New York.
• He barely lets you say a word. Big egos need their space to shine. Sure, he might throw a question your way every now and then, but before you know it, he’s effortlessly turning the conversation back to himself. Is she a little narcissistic? Maybe. But this also brings me to my next point…
• His grand gestures? A cover for a fragile ego. Only after you leave the date do you start to get a clearer picture, usually in text, of how much security he really needs.
• Prepare for the 4 am wake-up call. His days start at the gym at 4am, breakfast at 5am and meetings with billionaires and millionaires at 6am It’s no wonder this guy is so busy – it’s a 24/7 buzz.
• His career is always number 1. If you want to date a guy like this, you have to be okay with coming second. And, really? I’m totally fine with that.

At the end of this whirlwind romance, I had to ask myself: Do I want to be with him? Or do I want to be him?

The way he commanded every conversation, took charge of every situation and exuded the energy of a boss – it was kind of … inspiring. I began to realize that if I wanted to keep up with the big boys, I had to start thinking and acting like one.

Suddenly, I found myself setting my alarm for 4 a.m. to conquer the day because, hey, if it works for Mr. Great, it could work for me, right?

And despite once thinking that Aidan, the one Carrie Bradshaw ends up with in “And Just Like That,” was the one for me, here I am—shocked to discover that he’s actually Mr. Big I’m looking away. Who knew?

If you’re also looking for your big man, I’ve brainstormed some key lessons that will help you land a man like this:

1. Do your research

The key to unlock a Mr. big? His ego. I quoted something he said on a podcast, and he literally stopped in mid-sentence and said, “Wow, here I am with a beautiful woman quoting something I said. Gotta love her!” – Boom. That’s all it took. Men like him like to be admired for their knowledge, so do a little homework, stroke his ego and watch it melt away.

2. Look feminine, be feminine

Mr. Big types want their women to look submissive (keyword: looks). These people are like cavemen and like to provide. Let him sit in his masculine gender letting himself lean into your feminine side. Wear perfume, do your hair and makeup just right and let her lead the conversation. Trust me, it’s like flipping a switch.

3. Let it shine

Ask him about his work, his achievements, his last big job. Mr. The great types take immense pride in what they achieve. When you show genuine interest in his successes—and, yes, express some admiration—his confidence goes through the roof. And guess what? This makes him even more attracted to you.

Now I understand why Carrie spent all those seasons thrashing about a man like this. After experiencing a Mr. Great, it’s hard to settle for anything else. So while you may have thought your ideal man was a sweet, sensitive artist or a charming, stable guy, you might just find that what you really want is a little bigger in your life. And trust me, once you’ve tasted that kind of power, nothing else can compare. Hell.